


Written In the Stars (is a story i have told)

by BookwormGirl16



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Jim's long and complicated relationship with the stars, and i do mean long and complicated, basically jim and the stars at every major point in his life, daddy issues galore, i just have a lot of jim kirk feels okay?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-14
Updated: 2016-10-14
Packaged: 2018-08-22 11:16:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8283932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BookwormGirl16/pseuds/BookwormGirl16
Summary: The vastness of space.  There are few things more humbling to humanity than the sight of the night sky in all of its wonder.  
Like the creatures that look to them for knowledge and solace, stars are born.  One moment, nothing.  The next, a bright and explosive light makes its entrance into the universe.
Jim Kirk always has felt a connection to the stars.





	

The vastness of space.  There are few things more humbling to humanity than the sight of the night sky in all of its wonder. 

Like the creatures that look to them for knowledge and solace, stars are born.  One moment, nothing.  The next, a bright and explosive light makes its entrance into the universe.

Jim Kirk always has felt a connection to the stars.

 

…

 

Born in a medical shuttle on the edge of the Neutral Zone, seconds-old James Tiberius Kirk was unaware of the cold blackness that surrounded him. 

In fact, his first sight was his mother’s watery eyes, his eyes bluer than the sky he should have been born under, and a painful reminder for The Warmth that was cradling him so carefully.  Loud sounds of anguish fill his small ears, and he is cold, already missing the safety The Warmth had provided.  Silence descended around him, paired with empty darkness and a deep sense of disquiet.  A premonition that all was not as it should be, and some instinct bade him to make noise to fill the emptiness, to make a vain attempt to fix that which was broken.

Jim Kirk always has been indifferent to the stars.

 

…

 

One of his first memories is being on the roof with Sam, watching the constellations and listening to the myths that gave them their name.  Sam knew everything there was to know about anything, and he loved to talk about the stars.  Whenever Sam was upset, or sad, or tired, Jim could usually find him stretched out on the roof gazing up at the night sky.  After a few half-hearted attempts to convince his younger brother that it was dangerous, and a promise to never go up there alone, Jim started joining him.  He never was good at keeping quiet, and asked Sam endless questions about the stories, the positions of the stars, and why Sam liked them so much.

Sam said that dad was up there and it made him feel better to look at the stars.

Jim didn’t know which constellation was ‘dad’ but he resolved to look extra hard to catch a glimpse of whatever had Sam so captivated.

Jim Kirk always has been interested in the stars.

 

…

 

Years, and quite a few painful explanations from Sam later, Jim understands the importance of the constellation Dad.  He knows that that isn’t an _actual_ constellation, he’s not _dumb_.  But, it is the only word he knows that can accurately reflect where and _how_ his father is. 

Jim gets all the information on his missing parent from Sam, of course, he gets information about _everything_ from Sam.  (First grade is booooring.  He knows everything they’re telling him already; his teacher just calls him ‘restless’).  But he understands that his father was brave, and kind, and smart, and everything wonderful. 

Sam says he looks like him, and that makes Jim sit up a little taller and smile a little brighter for a while.

Jim Kirk always has looked up to the stars.

 

…

 

In second grade, his classmates bring in their parents to talk about their jobs.  Mom sent a long-distance comm two weeks ago saying she would be gone for a few months.  Sam said it wasn’t anything to worry about, so Jim didn’t.

His teacher understood, and told him that another teacher had offered to be his ‘parent’ for the day.  He was confused, but politely declined (Mom said to always be polite). 

It made him a little sad to see all of his friends joke and smile with their dads, but he had something _better_.

When it was his turn, he got up in front of the class and pointed excitedly to the ceiling.  His dad is up _there,_ watching every _one_ and every _thing,_ surrounded by _millions_ of _billions_ of lights, isn’t that _so cool_?

Jim Kirk always has been proud of the stars.

 

…

 

It isn’t until he’s older that the golden veneer starts to fade.  Jim used to think he was lucky, but now he resents the fact that he has to wait until the sun goes down and the sky fades to black to talk to his father.  _Father,_ not dad anymore.  A dad is someone who hugs you, and tells you everything will be alright, and protects you.  He doesn’t have one of those.

Still, when his middle school history teacher offers him a free pass out of class when they’re scheduled to discuss the USS _Kelvin_ , he doesn’t take her up on it.  Somewhere deep down, the hopeful kid he used to be- so full of pride and admiration for his father- wants to be there.  Maybe then his classmates will see how great of a person his father was, and be jealous of _his_ family for once.

Instead, that night, he goes to the roof and screams and cries at the stars until the sun comes up.  There must have been some way for his father to make it off the ship.  Maybe if he loved them more he would have _tried_ , and he would be _here_ instead of _there_. 

Maybe then Jim wouldn’t feel so alone.

So much for the ‘great’ George Kirk.

Jim Kirk always has felt cheated by the stars.

 

…

 

Tarsus was supposed to be different.

A new school.  A new home.  New people.  A new life.

Jim Kirk always has felt disappointed by the stars.

 

…

 

Jim is bitter and alone.  He’s tired of being expected to live up to the shadow cast by someone he’ll never meet.  He hasn’t looked fondly at the stars in years, and only thinks of his dead father when he’s had too much to drink.  But even the alcohol can’t completely erase the image of his father’s remains floating in the void between pinpricks of light. 

When life gives him two bad options to choose between- there have been so many he’s lost count, and interest- he looks up to the stars.  He _dares them_ to watch him while he creates a third, better, option for himself.

The stars become the antithesis of the no-win scenario, and take the blame for everything bad that has ever happened to him.  Sam, Winona, _him_.  Jim’s whole family left him, they all chose the stars over him- always, _always_ the stars. 

Jim Kirk always has hated the stars.

 

…

 

The Jim Kirk that Captain Christopher Pike finds is thoroughly unimpressed by a shiny badge and a promise of peaceful exploration.  And why shouldn’t he be?  Christopher Pike represents the reason he never had a father, and has lived among the very things he has come to hate.

But, Pike _dares him_ to do better than his father, and it’s like the stars are finally responding to all of the times he had done the same to them while defying fate.

So he accepts.

The stars have taken enough away from him, they don’t get the last laugh too. 

He’s going to prove millions of billions of stars wrong.

Jim Kirk always has challenged the stars.

 

…

 

The first time James Tiberius Kirk returns to space, he runs head first into fate.

He refuses to back down.

And he almost loses.

But then, against all odds, he _doesn’t_.

Jim Kirk always has been lucky among the stars.

 

…

 

He loses another member of his rapidly shrinking family.  The only father figure he has ever known.  The first person to see him as someone other than a disappointing legacy, just… _gone_.

It’s a small comfort that the stars aren’t responsible for this one. 

But then again, that just makes it even harder for him to understand, let alone grieve.

But before grief, vengeance.

Jim Kirk always has sought justice from the stars.

 

…

 

After a lifetime of feeling forgotten and out-of-place, Jim finds welcome relief in the stars.  He has everything he never knew he wanted; a ship and command, and one thing he never had; friendship.

If his life is to be anything like his counterpart’s, that is something he won’t be without for the rest of his life.

The horrible part is, it isn’t meant to be a long one.

He thinks it’s fitting, while he takes his final breaths, that his last moments be among the stars- just like his father’s. 

Jim imagines him like he hasn’t since he was a naïve young boy; smiling, waiting for him, and _proud_.

He’s scared, but his dad made sure he was fine the first minutes of his life, why would the last few be any different?

Jim Kirk always has loved the stars.

 

…

 

More than friends, his crew has become something he never let himself wish for- a family.  They’ve been through hell and back together, and would do it again.

Jim doesn’t regret dying to save his family.

He does regret the family that he lost along the way.

The stars took his family away from him, but they also gave him a new one.  A family of people that chose each other, and continue to choose each other every day.

After long shifts, he likes to sit in his quarters and watch the stars go by.  On his birthday, he finds himself nodding off in his chair doing just that.

In the last moments before sleep overtakes him, he hears a familiar voice whisper “I’m proud of you”.

Jim falls asleep with a smile on his face, surrounded by the only constant in his life.

Jim Kirk always has had a home in the stars.

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a small fic for me to get back in the practice of writing, and try out a new style. Let me know what you think!


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